Miss Little Nice (:: August 2008

Hmm not much fun event recently.

maybe except for going out with Raphael to watch France fireworks.

The whole ride, he keep saying he went singapore flyer and it go round and round.

LOL. cute ryte?

he cheat my feeling luhs! i bought for him panda biscuit.

den i say later while waiting for fireworks, den eat.

denn he finish e whole pack when we reach there. *faint*

Den go out with Baby to watch Korea Fireworks.

Like e korea one so much more then France. =X except for that they play e korea songs.

After that went chocz to have some drinks. cos all other places are pack.

den. Baby bully me. GRR. i'll never forget. hmph.

hais i tot.. i've finish my PP for good.
den now. e advisor ask me to change this n that ZZZ ..
#%$^%%^$&^%^%#^%$^%!!!

A post by WengKit

Life isn’t a bed of roses. Even roses have thorns. Nothing is perfect. That implies to everyone’s life as well. Along the way, there will be objects hindering our smooth sailing. And everyone have different approach of getting pass it. Some crack their brains, some die trying, some just plainly give up, some seek help, and some just idle around and pray for a miracle.

Mine is a typical ugly duckling story, but it’s the other way round. From a swan to an ugly duckling. I was fed with a silver spoon, my mum’s a lawyer, and my dad holds a position in the Parliament of Singapore. I was in the school’s basketball team starting lineup, school prefect, above average grades, a popular guy in school. What more can I ask for? But looks can be deceiving.

Everything went downhill once I am diagnosed with skin folicitics. Its main effects are psychological, such as reduced self-esteem and, according to at least one study, depression or suicide. Folicitics usually appears during adolescence, when people already tend to be most socially insecure.

And my situation was made worst by the mocking I received from strangers, even friends. And my face was being spilted at once. I was at my lowest point. I shut myself totally from everything. I stopped playing sports that I indulged in. I stopped hanging out with my friends. I skipped school, which leads me to retain another year in poly.

I was a living zombie for 5 years. Five years. That’s enough to drive anyone insane. And that 5 years, have really left a deep scar in my heart, which I doubt I will ever forget. Not in this lifetime, never in the next.

It took me shit load of courage before I step out of my comfort zone to seek medical help from National Skin Centre, which I was prescribed isotretinoin, a very strong oral medication with adverse effects; dryness of skin, teratogenicity (birth defects), severe depression and high sensitivity to sunlight.

Although that medication did heal my skin little by little, the psychological impact which I endure through those 5 years never left me. The hatred burns in me. The disappointment metamorphosed to self-blaming. The sadness eats my heart. Till this very day. So much bad memories are bottled up inside me.

Due to that skin disease, I lost my friends, I lost my popularity, I lost my self esteem, I lost all hope, and I nearly lost my mind.

But my life hasn’t change for the better, my life have something up its sleeve. 2 months ago, I was diagnosed with caecal diverticulitis. Diverticulitis develops from diverticulosis, which involves the formation of pouches (diverticula) on the outside of the colon. Diverticulitis results if one of these diverticula becomes inflamed. And I am scheduled for a colonoscopy on the 22nd August, which is next coming Friday.

Four words; my health is screwed.

My parents

Since young, my mum has never got enough time for me, always working on her cases, meeting clients, fighting lawsuits, defending cases. Hence I was put to a care of a babysitter, whom was my aunt who lives at toa payoh, and she still does now. Sometimes I would just blankly stared at my aunt and asked her, “Can I call u mama?” in Cantonese. She would just smiled and nod her head gently. She was more like a mum to me compared to my biological mum. She was with me when I “graduated” from my kindergarten education; she was with me on my first day at primary school. She was with me through every important phrases of my life. Yinfang, now you know why every time I address my aunt as “mama”?

As for my dad, he isn’t much of a workaholic as compared to my mum. But when it comes to education, he is even scarier than the vampires in my dreams that I had when I was a kid. During primary education phrase, as long as I scored anything less than 95/100 for my mathematics, the cane will be raining on me. And once, I even lost a tooth. My dad even punched and kicked me on many occasions if I didn’t perform well in school. For many times, I have hated my dad so much. But that hatred never seems to last long; it faded as quickly as it hit me. Though as much as I hate his beatings, I still love my dad.

One I laid foot my secondary school education, and with the birth of my sister, my dad toned down a lot, showing his soft side a lot more often, my mum taking in fewer cases, but I felt more relieved than jealousy with the much more amount of love they showered on my sis. Surprisingly but true.

Yinfang, you always said that yr parents are stricter to you compared to mine on me. Now, yes. But for the past, it wasn’t. I bleed more than I cried.

My friends

Before I had that skin illness, when I was a popular figure in school, they flocked to me like bees. After I m diagnosed with that disgusting illness, they shunned me like I m a bee. I have no friends but only fair weather friends. Enough said.

Besides having fair weather friends, I was too afraid to make new ones. Even after my skin condition has recovered quite a lot. The fear of being mocked, the fear of being laughed at, still burns in me.

I just received a sms from my gf, yinfang, saying that they might be having pizza later, because it’s their last day at school before the semester closes. And just by looking at the few comments given by her friends addressing on her blog post, is enough to wet my eyes. I spent the last day of my poly education, cooped in my room, looking at the mirror. And I never have the luxury of friends saying comfort words to me, during the whole fucking 5 years. Only mocking, only being made fun of, only being spitted at, only getting weird stares from everyone, and only being shunned from. I even swore once, I will kill that guy who spitted on my face.

Where are my friends when I needed them. All I asked for, is just a friend. 5 years, alone facing that shit.

5 years taken away from me.

My hobbies

I have stopped karate totally. All I can do to relive that passion is to watch. Though I have such a great urge to kick my sandbag at home.

I will continue this another day, and I will write another post just for you, Yinfang.

So tired that I couldn't even sleep,
So many sorrows I couldn't keep,
Promised myself I wouldn't weep,
One more promise I couldn't keep.

Yinfang,
Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worth while?

Miss Little Nice (:

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Friday, August 8, 2008

Monday, August 4, 2008

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